


Masks

by Peryton



Series: Shielded Heart [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-18 23:09:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5946817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peryton/pseuds/Peryton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continuation from Crimson and Cobalt where Maria Hill first met her soulmate Natasha Romanoff, you don't necessarily have to read the series in order.<br/>Maria and Natasha have been together for a while, but just because people are soulmates doesn’t mean everything magically falls into place for them. Maria uncovers one of Natasha’s issues and she does her best to try and make her see she is worthy of being cared for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Maria returned to her apartment exhausted from yet another international incident, this time involving a miscommunication between Thor and his attempt to set up a palace for the Norse gods in Norway. Something the citizens of Norway were all for, but the government were worried he was planning a coup and, well Maria knew Thor, he'd just have to suggest something and the sight of his arms alone would have most people bowing down to him. When Maria walked through the door the first thing she saw was a coat belonging to Natasha draped over the couch. Smiling Maria headed towards the bedroom to find Natasha spread out on the bed, wearing blood red lace lingerie that left so little to the imagination she may as well have been nude, lit by candles that bathed Natasha in flickering shadows and warm light that highlighted the redhead’s curves and made Maria’s mouth water.  
  
"I didn't expect to see you so soon; didn't you just get back from Minsk?" Maria said as she shed her coat and started unbuttoning her shirt.  
  
"I finished the debrief two hours ago, and thought I'd come surprise you." Natasha replied, eyeing Maria as she undressed and discarded her clothes on the floor.  
  
"You must be exhausted."

Something unsure flits across Natasha's face, Maria catches a hint of uncertainty and worry but it is quickly replaced by that Natasha's Romanoff seduction smile and Maria eagerly moves towards the bed.

Natasha quickly pulls her down towards her and hooks her legs around the taller woman, Maria can’t help but grind down against Natasha and gasps at the feeling of the redhead beneath her. Natasha rakes her hands down Maria’s back causing the brunette to arch into the caress while she sucks kisses onto her neck.

Natasha deftly slides her hands down the brunette’s trembling body and rolls them over, she starts stroking Maria, smirking into her neck at the slickness she finds there. Natasha teases her mercilessly, keeping her balanced on the edge until the tension coiling through Maria’s body becomes too much to bear and Natasha finally brings the brunette to an intense climax.

Natasha continues to caresses Maria through her climax and kisses her languidly, shifting to rest on her side next to Maria.

“Wow.” Maria says breathlessly.

Maria stares up at Natasha and pushes some of her red curls out of her face before pulling the redhead back down for a kiss.

Natasha chuckles and starts kissing down Maria’s neck and onto her collarbone. Maria groans and tries to pull the redhead back up, but Natasha isn’t dissuaded from her goal and tracks a path across Maria’s skin. Continuing further down to her still sensitive centre and Maria struggles to hold onto her control as Natasha leaves the brunette sated and breathless once more.

Eventually Maria slipped into an exhausted sleep to the sound of Natasha whispering promises of the other plans she had for Maria’s body when she woke.  
  
Maria and Natasha only had three days together before Maria was at her office in S.H.I.E.L.D. for 48 hours straight after a recent attempt to infiltrate their system was discovered and Maria was tasked with overseeing the new security infrastructures. By the time Maria returned to her apartment Natasha had already been sent out on a mission.

Maria knew it would be difficult to navigate a relationship with their jobs being what they were, but she tried to take comfort in the fact that they were able to be honest with each other about what they did for a living. Too many agents had to lie to their significant others about what it was they did and concoct excuses for extended business trips, or explain injuries with tales of an over enthusiastic self-defence instructor or a freak accident. So what she and Natasha had must be better, at least she knew where Natasha was and what she was doing. Okay, sometimes she wishes she didn’t know what she was doing. And sometimes she didn’t know _exactly_ where she was, but she knew the general area, and that was much better than most of the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent’s she knew.

Maria sometimes wished one of them did something else for a living, something that could enable them to actually have a life. But her job had been the core part of her life for so long she knew she could never give it up, and she would never ask for Natasha to do it either, they were too similar in that regard.

While Natasha was away on missions Maria found herself spending more time at the headquarters so she wouldn’t have to come home to an empty apartment. Maria felt the absence of Natasha even keener at her apartment because she still had a few of the redhead’s clothes and books strewn about the place. Usually Maria was extremely tidy and she couldn’t understand how someone who had worked in ops as long as Natasha didn’t have the same frame of mind when it came to cleaning up after herself. But even considering that discrepancy in their habits, Maria didn’t want to take the redhead’s things back to her place at the towers. Or even tidy away Natasha’s things, preferring to have something tangible to remind herself of the spy, even though it hurt when she saw some evidence of Natasha around her space but knew the spy was far away from her.

Whenever Natasha and Maria did have down time together -which, let's be fair didn’t happen all that often Natasha always seems to be playing the role of protector or seductress. And sure, it's kind of nice; I mean who would turn down the Black Widow lying on her bed in nothing but lingerie. Or wearing nothing at all. And as long as Natasha agrees that Maria is more than capable of taking care of herself most of the time the protectiveness reminds her of the only happy parts of her childhood, the time when she was living with aunt Peggy and didn’t have to be constantly alert. And as hard as she has fought to become independent and self-sufficient now and then it’s nice to be able to feel like there’s someone else out there who will have her back no matter what, no questions asked. But sometimes Maria thinks Natasha is only around to either protect her from whatever weird-of-the-week is currently fighting the Avengers, or to make good on her threat to make Maria scream.

Maybe more troubling is that Maria worries that that's all Natasha thinks _she_ wants her for. Usually their days consisted of late nights, weeks without seeing each other, followed by enough passionate hot sex to make up for the pang of separation, the way the colours seemed to dim without being close to the other. That’s what it was like for Maria anyway; she hadn’t checked whether Natasha also felt like the colours might be slipping away from her, in case this was some subconscious needy thing. And God knows Maria Hill will not let herself be needy now. She's only ever seen Natasha in either combat gear or lingerie, or God help her, dresses that are _worse_ than her combat suit at making all the moisture in Maria’s body suddenly decide it has someplace better to be.

Which is a terrible complaint to have of your soulmate. You can't complain to your friends that she's too sexy and wants to protect you. Especially since everyone knows the Black Widow gives Hill full reign in firefights or jobs involving aliens or sentient super computers, but she wants Nat to know those aren’t the reasons she’s with her. Those are the reasons the Red Room had told her she was worth something, Maria wants her to know that she's worth more than the Red Room told her.

But Maria doesn’t know how to approach the subject with Natasha, she doesn’t want to rock the boat, their relationship is still fragile, they’re still learning about each other. And there are certain things you don’t say to a new girlfriend, soulmate or no, and ‘hey you know all those things the black ops brainwashing facility taught you about yourself, you know those are all bullshit right?’ is probably one of those things.

Plus it’s not like either of them are particularly talkative when it comes to sharing their feelings, they’d both rather express how they feel in more private affectionate ways that most people wouldn’t think much of, but they both know means something. So Maria doesn’t say anything to Natasha about how much she means to her, how much Maria needs her, not as the superspy Black Widow but just as Nat. And then the Black Widow is late calling in to S.H.I.E.L.D. after a mission.

Maria doesn’t think much of it at first, things happen during extractions after all, they were probably waiting for a secure line, or were making sure they weren’t being bugged or tailed. So it isn’t until Black Widow’s support for the mission have checked into S.H.I.E.L.D. and are through debriefing that Maria starts to worry.

Multiple agents working with the Black Widow have all said she received some degree of injury while they were making their withdrawal, no two reported the same exact injury, and all of them said it didn’t seem too serious. But Maria knows Natasha, and she knows the Black Widow, and neither of them would want to advertise any weakness, even to allies. The fact that all the other agents working on the mission reported she was injured was cause enough for alarm, and on top of that Natasha was missing.

As far as S.H.I.E.L.D. were concerned the mission was a success, they had no reason to believe the Black Widow had either defected or been captured, so far she was just in line for a reprimand and a lecture on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s procedural policies. Most of the higher ups in the department put her absence down to arrogance or negligence. Maria didn’t contradict any of them, but she starts making subtle inquiries about what happened, and where exactly the Widow fell off the grid.

This is the point when Maria’s worry turns to a dull persistent terror that she feels in the pit of her stomach.


	2. Chapter 2

It takes days of back-alley channels and the type of old fashioned spy work that Maria hasn’t done in years before she finally has some idea of where Natasha might be. The first few leads turn out to be dead ends, false trails Natasha had planted to prevent anyone finding her. Maria hopes she wasn’t included in this list, she’s suddenly aware that trying to track down the Black Widow without any back up could be a monumentally stupid thing to do. But she’s not the Black Widow anymore, not to Maria anyway, at least she didn’t think she was. Maria finds herself hoping that Natasha has been kidnapped by Hydra, or is in an A.I.M. cell.

Finally Maria finds some of the Widow’s old safe houses, but they turn out to be empty too. When Maria fears the worst, when the heavy weight of dread in Maria’s stomach is all that’s pulling her forward every day, and the colours she used to see so vividly have dulled enough for her to no longer find them distracting or even noteworthy anymore. Maria opens up another door to another possible safe house, only this time there’s evidence of habitation.  
  
Maria slowly enters the room, her gun drawn and checking for hostile agents, just because she thinks Natasha will be here doesn’t mean she is. Or that she’s alone. Or that she’ll be happy to see her, she’s been missing for too long now, surely she’d have contacted Maria if she wanted to before? Maria’s stomach twists at the thought and she steels herself for what she might find when she moves further into the space.

The lights are off and the living area looks like it hasn’t been used –or cleaned, in years. There’s no furniture, nothing in the kitchen, but there’s a pile of bloody clothes by the wall and some open pain medication bottles on the kitchen counter. Maria’s chest tightens in anticipation; this has to be the place.

Maria moves towards the only door in the tiny apartment, which is half closed and just as dark as the rest of the room.

There on the floor of the bathroom, is a tiny looking Natasha Romanoff, covered only by torn clothes that expose either open or bandaged wounds, surrounded by empty vodka bottles and an assortment of first aid paraphernalia.

The spy looks up at Maria and offers the brunette a strained smile, Maria notices that her eyes stray too long to the gun she’s still holding in her hand.  
  
"What the hell?" Maria thunders. "Do you have any idea how long I've been looking for you?"  
  
Natasha blinks at Maria steadily, she attempts a smirk and eyebrow raise, but her eyes are dull and she's obviously in pain.  
  
"Why didn't you check in with S.H.I.E.L.D.? Or if you didn’t want to go there and have them look you over you could have come home with me!" Maria grits out exasperation and anger clear in her voice and movements as she holsters her gun.  
  
"Hill," Natasha says, her voice husky but there's a bitter edge of pain hanging on to every word. "Let me rest for a little while and I'll take care of you." Natasha offers her the slow sly smile that ordinarily would have Maria's stomach flitting in butterflies, but she can't feel anything past her worry and anger that Natasha would do something like this.  
  
"Vodka and tramadol? Is that what you class as taking care of yourself?"

“Well, the vodka is to sterilise the wound too, it’s multipurpose. The Swiss army knife of alcohols.” Natasha says, toasting Maria with the last of the open bottle before downing it.

“Are you drunk?”

“I certainly hope so, otherwise the dulled pain I’m feeling right now would be a huge worry.”  
  
“Right, I’m taking you back.” Maria says decisively.

“Back?” Natasha asks, slightly panicked.

“This place is definitely not sanitary I can barely-”

“Not to S.H.I.E.L.D.” Natasha cuts Maria’s tirade off and holds her gaze.

Maria eyes Natasha lying there, beaten and bloody and likely half drunk and still managing to stare her down over this.

“Just my place then.” Maria agrees, eager to get Natasha out of this derelict building and to somewhere that she could actually administer some proper first aid.

It’s an effort to get Natasha up from the floor and out of the apartment, Maria suppresses her anxiety for the spy by hovering by Natasha’s side in case she falls or asks for help. Natasha has already batted her away twice and flat out refused assistance when Maria tried to help her up from the floor, but after watching Natasha wince with every step as she made her way so slowly through the apartment Maria decides she’s had enough and picks the redhead up as gently as she is able and carries her out to her vehicle.

It says a lot about Natasha’s injuries that she doesn’t immediately break free of Maria’s hold and hoist the brunette over her shoulder, like she’s done numerous times before when she’s felt she’s had to prove something to Maria about her assumptions that her larger height equals more strength during a sparring session.

Maria keeps her worries about Natasha’s condition to herself and focuses on trying to be as careful as she can with her griping passenger as she carries the redhead through the building and puts her in the car.

Once back at Maria’s apartment she carries the spy straight through to the bedroom.

“The sofa’s fine.” Natasha says quickly once she realises Maria’s intention.

“I need to be able to see your injuries, not be worrying about you falling off onto the floor.” Maria says tensely as she manoeuvres the now wriggling Natasha onto the bed.

“I can take care of myself you know.” Natasha replies as she struggles to get up from the bed.  
  
“I know you can, it’s just that I have actual medication that wasn’t distilled from potatoes.” Maria says as she gently pushes the redhead back down and glares at her until she thinks Natasha has got the message.

“That’s is some kind of slur on my homeland isn’t it?” Natasha retorts, her glib words not distracting Maria from the fact that Natasha is watching the brunette apprehensively.

“Lost half of your blood and still quipping.” Maria sighs in faux exasperation at Natasha, smiling at the redhead to cover up the worry she still hasn’t been able to shake.

Maria goes fetches her medical supplies from the bathroom and kitchen, Natasha eyes the pile of first aid boxes with amusement and raises an eyebrow at her. Maria’s heart lightens at this display of normality from the spy and she hopes that Natasha has realised that all Maria wants is to look after her and that she’s safe here.

“You should really think about investing in more than alcohol and bandages, it’s like you never took a trauma course.”

“I bet you aced yours.”

“Of course.”

“Why would I bother stocking up my supplies when I have you then?”

Natasha clearly expects a comeback but Maria can’t help the feeling of warmth that spreads from her comment. She hopes the redhead means it and next time she comes back injured she’ll come home instead of hiding out alone.

Maria peels back the old bandages wrapped around Natasha’s injuries and cleans the multiple wounds before applying antiseptic. Some of them require stitches and Maria gives Natasha painkillers before brings out a case of butterfly stitches and starts carefully applying them.

“I think I can handle some butterfly stitches without painkillers Hill.” Natasha says amused.

“It wasn’t for that.” Maria replies and brings out a needle for the deeper cuts.

“A little of Russian’s finest would help about now.” Natasha says eyeing the needle in Maria’s hand warily.

“No mixing alcohol with your medication.” Maria says sternly as she wraps the cleaned injuries with new bandages and carefully inspects the stitches.

“Okay, these,” Maria holds up a bottle of pills. “You should take in two hours, I’ll remind you but just so you know. And these,” Maria picks up another bottle of pills and places it on the nightstand along with the previous bottle. “Are for your pain, but you can’t take any more than two over four hours okay?”

Maria leaves the room and returns with a glass of water Natasha drinks from gratefully.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“I’m not hungry right now.” Natasha says yawning.

“Okay, get some rest Nat.” Maria says quietly, stroking the hair back from Natasha’s face as the redhead quickly slips into sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Maria notices Natasha wake during the night, at first she thought the spy was just dreaming, she was eerily still while asleep unless she dreamt. But then she sees the panic in Natasha’s eyes and that she looks like she’s about to attempt to get up, but before she does she notices Maria sitting on the chair by the bed and stills.

“Have you been sleeping there?” Natasha asks, her voice heavy with fatigue and pain.

“A little.” Maria lies, she hadn’t been able to sleep for more than a few minutes without jerking awake from either the uncomfortable chair or the fear Natasha had fled.

“You should sleep in the bed.” Natasha says, her voice oddly empty.

“No. I’m not kicking the invalid out of the bed.”

Maria notices Natasha relaxes at that and her heart aches at having one of her theories confirmed.

"Nat, you can trust me you know." Maria’s voice breaks as she steels herself to attempt to explain to the spy that she doesn’t want anything from her, that she just wants to help her.  
  
"I do." Natasha replies instantly.  
  
"You don't trust me to take care of you."  
  
"I... I was… not my best. I couldn't give you what you want." Natasha says hesitantly.  
  
"What I want?!" Maria asks incredulously, she can feel her anger at the way Natasha thinks about herself building up and she takes a deep breath, struggling to keep it contained.  
  
"Natasha, I want you, I want you to be able to trust me enough to help you, to know that I will care for you and put you first. I want for you to be able to come home and if you're tired or having a bad day you to know you can tell me, and I'll do my best to make you feel better!"  
  
"I don't want you to have to look after me. I should be the one looking after you, that's what I was made for." Natasha has pushed herself up in the bed and is staring at Maria anxiously. “That’s all I have to give you.” Natasha ends softly, her voice cracking and she looks away from Maria.  
  
"That is not what you were made for. The red room... You said you'd broken your conditioning from the red room. And I think you have, the way they conditioned you to act. But you still think how they taught you don't you?"  
  
Maria is used to seeing past Natasha's mask now and she sees the hurt flash in the redhead’s eyes. Maria moves towards Natasha, sitting close to her on the bed and carefully pulls her into her body, pretending she didn’t see the flinch as she holds her as tight as she dares.  
  
"Do you believe any of the myths about soulmates?" Maria asks her softly, Natasha shakes her head but stays silent. "I didn't either... Well I still don't, tests always come up negative when scientists try and determine what causes us to see colours when we meet another person. I know Fitz is always saying that that doesn't disprove the theories. For all the amazing things science has given us there are still some areas that will probably always remain a mystery, I know that scientists can't prove time exists, or that we exist. But you could say the same about giant spaghetti monsters from outer space."

Maria pauses and checks the window. "Okay if we see giant spaghetti monsters from outer space don't tell anyone I said that."

Maria is stroking Natasha's hair gently and Natasha is so still if she was anyone else Maria would think she had fallen asleep. "You said you were made to do what the red room wanted, protect who they wanted you to protect, kill who they wanted you to kill, seduce who they wanted you to seduce." Natasha tenses at that and Maria pulls the smaller woman closer to her and breathes in the scent of her hair. "But one soulmate myth, hypothesis maybe, is that you were made for me."  
  
Natasha is silent for a while and Maria is content to hold her, to let her know that she’s there for her. Then the redhead shuffles slightly in Maria’s grip and turns to face Maria.

“I’m not… used to having someone else care about what happens to me. I know S.H.I.E.L.D. care on some level, but I’m just an asset to them.”

“Nat, you’re not just-”

“I am, that’s how it works with those kinds of organisations, and that’s fine. Better that than some of the other places I’ve worked. But you, you actually _care_ about me, and not just because you’re my handler or the director of the organisation. Just me. And I’ve never had that, not that I can remember. I don’t really know what to do with that knowledge; I was never trained for it.”

Maria’s heart breaks at that and she tangles her fingers into Natasha’s red locks, scratching gently at her scalp as she attempts to soothe Natasha and convince herself that the redhead is still with her, that she’s not going anywhere.

“You just do what you want.” Maria says more calmly than she feels. “If next time you come back from a mission injured and you want to hole up in a dingy apartment and pickle your liver that’s fine. But… I’d like it if you’d call or text, or hell, even email, and let me know you’re okay, otherwise I will come looking for you.” Maria pauses in her ministrations on Natasha’s scalp, smiling at the quiet mewl of annoyance Natasha lets out when she does and brushes aside Natasha’s hair to place a kiss on side of the redhead’s head. “I will always come looking for you.”

Natasha turns to face Maria and pulls the brunette down into a deep kiss that does everything she can to convey how she Maria’s words have made her feel.  

The two sit there for a while, soaking in each other’s warmth, Maria is careful to avoid Natasha’s injuries as she brushes her hands softly over the smaller woman’s body and through her hair. Natasha grabs one of the hands as it sweeps over her body and interlaces her fingers with Maria’s, gripping the hand tightly as she carefully manoeuvres herself into a position where she’s almost lying down, cradled against Maria’s body.

“I’m assuming the excellent health care S.H.I.E.L.D. has covers things like new livers?” Natasha says, breaking the silence of the room.

“I don’t think we can count years of vodka abuse as something that happened in the line of duty.” Maria replies, struggling to keep the smile on her face from being heard in her voice.

“I don’t know, I’m a good shot, I could put a bullet in it easy.”

“Let the record show I refrained from making a pun about shots and livers.”

Natasha laughed and poked at Maria’s side, the two drifted into comfortable silence again and Maria thinks Natasha has fallen asleep until she starts speaking.  
  
“Maria? You know I…”

“I know. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was difficult to get it where I wanted it to be. I hope I've managed to get across what I was trying to say about them...  
> Please let me know if you liked it or if you don't think it, or certain bits of it, quite work.


End file.
